Moving On

Break ups can be devastating, and moving on is no walk in the park. Unless you're made of the same sinew as Superman, you can't ignore the fact that, for a time, you no longer believed in love. Especially when you seem to have invested so much in the relationship, a messy break up can hurt you bad and take everything away--from the ego that took years to build right down to the last centavo in your bank account.

The good news is, the wheel of life turns. You can only stay at the bottom and in the dark for so long. Soon, you'll want to walk in the sunshine again. You'll be moving on to face a new life. Finding the will to live again is always a good sign.

This positive energy attracts good vibrations. You'll see a boost in your career, enhance your relationships with your family, and become a better friend to everyone around you. You'll even think about dating again. You may have even found yourself attracted to someone new.

Dating again after a messy break up can be the final turn on your road to recovery. However, you need to take some time to really figure out if you're ready to go that way. First of all, you owe it to yourself to be happy again. Everyone deserves it, but the kind of happiness one needs is subjective. The only way to be truly happy is to rid yourself of all the negative things that chain you to the past.

If you feel like you want to start dating again after a messy break up, ask yourself these three questions before summing up the courage to ask out that girl you keep thinking about or going out with a new guy who interests you.

1. Have I really let go of the past?

Being with someone new means beginning a new life. You can't start anew when you still have excess baggage from the past. If you go out on a date and find yourself talking more about your ex than getting to know the person in front of you, then you're not ready. A date is not the time and place to talk incessantly about how your past relationship failed.

2. Am I whole enough to be with someone new?

When you have been a couple for some time, you begin to identify yourself with that person. When you break up, you feel a loss of identity somehow. This is normal. Pretty soon, though, you have to start finding yourself again, the one with just you. Since you are picking up the pieces, what you get may be only fragments of what you used to be. After all, you had merged yourself with someone and now you can't get it all back the way it was.

Start from those pieces and work slowly to build yourself again. Don't try to remedy the cracks and cover the voids with someone you think fits in well--especially one who reminds you of your ex. It just doesn't work that way.

3. Do I want a fling or a relationship?

When you are on the road to dating again after a messy break up, you sometimes feel the need to be intimate. Some people fall into the trap of hooking up with the ex just because they couldn't stand the lonely nights. You may also find yourself rushing into a new relationship. You have been so used to equating physical intimacy with love that you think a new boyfriend or girlfriend is exactly what you need. Do you simply need the moment or do you want the moment to last forever? Think it over and be true to yourself.

Any time you start dating again after a messy break up, you have to tread carefully--even as you revel in the new-found excitement of the world around you. You are no longer in the dark (Clap! Clap!), but you may need to take some time to weigh your options. Don't go for the first guy or girl you lay eyes on the minute you come out of hiding. Attraction can happen in an instant, but true love takes time to develop.

If you find yourself falling in love again, then make it work. Don't let the past get in the way of your present. Accept what has happened and make peace with it, but look forward to the future with the one who's there now. Moving on may be difficult at first, but it may also be the best thing to happen to you in a long time.